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    當前位置:首頁 > 男人女人 > 正文

    男人和女人的七個經典區別

    來源:新華網 日期:2014-09-20 錄入:www.181qd.com 閱讀:1次 我要評論
      女人沒有方向感?女人尤其相信一見鐘情?女人更愿意相信舊情可以復燃?這些一直出現在我們生活中的論斷,是確有其事,還是恰恰相反呢?用數據、行為研究和調查組成的讓人興趣盎然并大跌眼鏡的事實,來與有關性別行為方式的最頑固的偏見、誤解和一知半解作斗爭,告訴我們:男女之道,大有不同。
     
    男人和女人的七個經典區別
      
      一、女人是嫉妒的動物?
      
      NO
      
      嫉妒和人類一樣古老:有回亞當回家晚了,夏娃就開始數他的肋骨——比利時諺語。
      
      女人常常被認為比男人更喜歡嫉妒。典型的老套畫面就是:妻子偷偷翻找丈夫的口袋,尋找陌生的電話號碼,檢查用過的手絹有沒有可以泄露秘密的唇膏印,等等。
      
      然而一開始,嫉妒卻是男人的事。以前它與保衛榮譽相關,在這方面起重大作用。后來,它卻成了女人的特點,專家們在1900年左右一致認為,女人中的嫉妒問題比男人中的要大。按照專家的看法,嫉妒的原因是家庭領域和男性的工作之間越來越大的鴻溝。專家向男女兩性都提出警告,因為這一感覺會破壞愛與和諧。不過他們并沒有提到女人的嫉妒,因此讓人覺得仿佛這只是女性的感覺。
      
      那么現在這一感覺又怎么樣了呢?根據《ELLE》雜志的一次調查,82%的德國人都很愛嫉妒,不過男人比女人更常經受這一痛苦。39%的男人和30%的女人聲稱,他們總是很愛嫉妒。
      
      不管是人類學家還是進化論生物學家,除了在極個別的小問題上有分歧外,都一致認為,男人和女人都隨時可能會被嫉妒這一毒害一切的感覺所困擾。因為凡是有愛情摻和進來的地方,就同時存在著強烈的排外情緒。如果這一要求受到威脅,嫉妒就油然而生。至于承受嫉妒之苦的人是處于熱戀當中,還是形成了親密的一家人,或者愛嫉妒的那個人自己有外遇,這都無所謂。
      
      雖然在我們今天的社會,嫉妒是一種常常被蔑視的感覺,西格蒙德.弗洛伊德還是為這一現象辯解:“嫉妒屬于動物本能,就像人們把悲傷看得很平常一樣。如果一個人的性格舉止中少了它,那么就證明了這一結論,它被強烈壓抑著,而在無意識的心靈生活中起了重要作用。”
      
      二、女人比男人更善解人意?
      
      NO
      
      普遍認為,女人感情天生比男人更細膩,因此也更能體會他人的感受。相反,對于了解別人到底有什么感覺,男人既沒有這方面的基因,也沒有學過。但是,許多研究者在對預見他們和自己伴侶的行為、想法和感覺的調查中卻驚訝地發現,婦女在這方面的成績并不比男人好。
      
      科學家對所有1983年以前發表的對男女在善解人意方面的研究和調查進行了評價。他們的結論是:即便通過練習,女人比男人更善解人意,她們也不是勝出太多。如果共同處于一個需要體會他人感情的情境中——之前不要用類似“這兒需要我的了解他人感情的能力”這類句子說穿——男女之間也就沒什么差別。也沒有任何肢體語言表明婦女比男人更能體會他人的感情。說得更明白一點就是,是女性以為自己比男人更善解人意,她們實際上在這方面并沒有明顯的基因上的或者通過訓練獲得的更出色的能力。
      
      三、夫妻間不允許有秘密?
      
      NO
      
      很多夫妻一直以來就是這樣想的:我們必須什么都說,什么都不隱瞞,這樣我們才會恩恩愛愛,我們之間的關系才會向希望的方向繼續發展。許多婦女現在仍然相信這一說法,就像婦女雜志調查發現的那樣,被詢問的婦女中,有三分之二認為,沒有絕對的誠實和坦率,是不可能有幸福的夫妻關系的。
      
      然而事實正好相反。吸引人的不是絕對的誠實,而是神秘,它具有挑逗性,使人想進一步探究。所以婦女迷戀高大的陌生人,而男人則醉心于深藏不露的女人或者神秘的“狐貍精”。陌生人的魅力就是我們所欣賞的東西。妻子們難道希望像對自己的透明手提包一樣對愛人了解得一清二楚嗎?沒有一點意外的驚喜,總有一天會從玫瑰色的愛情云端墜落下來。
      
      社會學家約阿希姆.威斯特巴奇證明,完全透明的關系充滿了“無聊、煩躁、心理不安以及常常伴隨的肉體上的不快”,其信號為直白地說“我已經知道你想說什么”之類的話,或者是虛掩的衛生間房門。所以美國人類學家海倫.費舍總結說:“沒有秘密就沒有浪漫的愛。”
      
      當然,這并不是說,夫妻之間要爾虞我詐或者相互欺騙來展現特定的魅力,大多數情況下,只要允許對方保有自己的秘密就可以了。
      
      四、女人尤其信一見鐘情?
      
      NO
      
      據說只有婦女才相信一見鐘情,因為她們被認為“不理性,情緒化”,但實際上,更容易一見鐘情的是男人。因為男人比女人更容易被那些清楚鮮明的標志所打動,如水汪汪的眼睛、漂亮的身材、金色的長發,以及奪目的美麗等。
      
      進化心理學家戴維.布斯帶領一個研究小組對36種社會場合進行了調查:“男人去參加聚會,看到一個女人,一句話都沒和她說就愛上她——只是由于外表的吸引。”女人則顯然要保守一點,在德國,42%的男人確信遇到過一見鐘情的情況,而只有三分之一的婦女承認曾有過一見鐘情。
      
      在德國,有三分之一的男人和四分之一的婦女,會因一見鐘情走上紅地毯,而在法國(48%)和英國(49%),有更多的被詢問者“與他們一見鐘情愛上的人結婚”。而在大家認為比較隨意和浪漫的美國,屏幕上的一見鐘情遠比生活中多:那里只有3%一見鐘情的情侶們最終會交換結婚戒指,在加拿大,這個比例只有2%。
      
      五、熄滅的舊情可以復燃?
      
      NO
      
      如果曾經溫柔相愛的人之間,只感覺對彼此的蔑視時,那么就到了該分手的時候了。
      
      美國治療師阿爾諾德.拉扎魯斯發現,很多人處于懶惰、多愁善感時,或許還是希望能待在一起。這位治療師毫不留情地評價說:“死的還是死的。想把死的變成活的,就像對尸體進行人工呼吸一樣!”
      
      六、女人比男人更喜歡撒謊?
      
      NO
      
      以前都認為女人比男人更不誠實,比如夏娃和亞當的故事。但是,美國心理學家研究發現,人們平均每天撒謊200次,而男人撒謊比女人要頻繁,“因為男人在心理上比女人更難以消除挫折,因此他們撒謊就更多”。
      
      男人和女人不一樣,因此他們撒謊也出于不同的原因。簡單地說,女人想通過謊言使自己的生活變得更輕松,男人則想通過謊言獲得自己的生活。
      
      人們之所以會有“女人比男人更喜歡撒謊”的錯覺,是因為女人在撒謊時考慮得更周全,她們動用更多的想象力,她們顯然也懂得,在什么時候對什么人撒什么謊,因此她們的謊比男人更難拆穿。雖然男人有更多的撒謊練習,但他們撒得卻很差勁,主要原因,是男人的想象力沒有女人豐富,也不大能記住自己的謊言,這兩個前提條件顯然是“撒謊”成功的最重要的工具。
      
      這個世界上是有可愛的謊言的。一句美妙的稱贊,可以使一個壓力重重的人臉上神奇地露出微笑,這可是現實帶不來的呢。
      
      七、女人沒有男人幽默?
      
      NO
      
      “堆哪個雪人的時間更長——男雪人還是女雪人?回答:男雪人,因為還得掏空他的腦袋。”這樣的笑話越來越流行了。但是,即使拿男人開涮的玩笑越來越多,人們仍然抱有這樣的偏見:認為女人沒有幽默感。但是,法國的一位幽默研究者卻持不同觀點,在《男女的笑聲》一書中,她指出,一個人的幽默,總是受到各自的權力比例的影響。在公司中的調查表明,講笑話和一個對成功的玩笑放聲大笑,也常常取決于人們所處的不同級別。而在越來越多的集體中,男女是平等的,女人也主動開玩笑,而不只是用微笑來回應男人的笑話。在這種圈子里,典型的男人說笑話、女人聽笑話的情景正在慢慢消失。

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