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    當前位置:首頁 > 戀愛新手 > 正文

    其實你真的不內向:教你喚醒社交直覺

    來源:原創 日期:2016-04-19 錄入:好人卡終結者 閱讀:1次 我要評論
      很多心態上還沒有受過打磨的男人,一旦進入社交環境,會把自己置身事外,不斷地思考,審視自我。他會在心里與自己展開對話,不斷地思考風險,分析情況,對自己每個失誤銘記于心,不斷否定自我,最后把一切轉化成為恐懼和抵抗情緒。
      
      你應該把注意力集中在當下。用社交直覺去感應環境和他人情緒,并根據情況而展開互動,讓自己與外界連接起來,這就是我稱之為“向外關注”的一種心理狀態。一個人的注意力是非常有限的。我們不太可能同時集中精力在與外在環境和他人溝通的同時,再集中精力與自己的內心對話,一心不能二用,這樣壓力太大了。
     
      
      1、不要內向關注
      
      向內關注的人會對自身和環境不斷地審視,這種思維導向的人在行為上總是慢一拍,只能被動地去回應身邊所發生的一切。相反,向外關注的人因為思維和行為合一,更能積極地去主導環境和他人。這才是我們跟女生互動時,所需要追求的狀態。
      
      向外關注你首先要忽略掉某些你在社交現場時不需要的資訊。應該被屏蔽掉的資訊包括你內心糾結對話的干擾、五光十色的環境干擾、別人大聲對話的干擾、女人搔首弄姿讓你浮想聯翩干擾……人的注意力十分有限,別浪費你寶貴的注意力在這些不著邊際的干擾上。
      
      簡而言之,你要將放在自身反應、自身感受的注意力轉移,去關注他人,關注環境。這樣,才能將你的正面情緒調動出來。在第一印象中,女人無法感知到你內心的豐富情感,所以,向外關注能更好地令她們感受到你的魅力。適應陌生情景下的焦慮
      
      2、你根本不內向
      
      很多時候我們的情緒會受到當時所處的環境所影響。你有沒有試過進入到一個完全不熟悉的陌生環境,比如酒吧、別人的生日聚會、女性內衣店,然后感到非常不自在?
      
      你可能會不知所措,腦子里一片空白,不想與其他人交流,肢體語言啟動防御模式。這是正常的反應,哪怕是最外向的人遇到自己未曾經歷過的環境,也會有一樣的反應。這是社交焦慮的一種,我們稱之為“情景焦慮”。
      
      情景焦慮和一個人是否外向、害不害羞沒有任何關系。它源自于人類面對陌生環境時,對應潛在不確定性所產生出來的負面情緒。一個人的理智在這種焦慮下會被吞噬,我們會進入莫名的自我審視中,把自己的行為無限放大,覺得所有人都在關注自己,挑自己毛病——我在剛剛搬到紐約的時候,情景焦慮曾是一個非常大的瓶頸,對韋恩、謎男這些天才亦然。
      
      3、你的焦慮只是錯覺
      
      情景焦慮所導致的自我審視狀態,其實是一種錯覺。實際情況是這樣的:我們對他人的反應作了大量不利自己的假設,比如假設“大家都在看著我臉紅”,“那個美女在等我鬧笑話”,諸如此類。為此,我們會覺得不舒服,進入到自我保護狀態。為了不讓別人傷害自己的感覺,我們給自己打開了防火墻,拒絕與外界交流。
      
      認識到這一點,可以確定“情境焦慮”不是任何人先天性格的缺陷。每當進入到一個陌生的社交環境,你完全可以采取以下幾種措施去避免情景焦慮:
      
      • 熟悉場地——看看場地的環境狀況,還有主要的擺設和陳列。
      
      • 了解人群——發現誰是主人、誰是社交中心,哪些人在傳遞正面情緒,哪些群體應避開。
      
      • 準備好熟悉的互動準備——對自己的心情、狀態和目前要做的事了如指掌,不會因為準備  不足而驚慌。
      
      • 放松執行——調整自己的肢體語言,讓自己放松。找出正面情緒的人群從而展開互動,讓自己進入到一個健談的狀態,繼而引起女性的注意。

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