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    當前位置:首頁 > 戀愛技巧 > 正文

    挽回時不該說的話,你中了幾槍(深度好文)

    來源:投稿 日期:2016-01-23 錄入:admin 閱讀:1次 我要評論
      最近發現有一個問題,很有必要拿出來和所有希望獲得優質女生、擁有美好感情生活的兄弟分享,因為有一些錯誤實在太普遍。
      
      這篇的主題很簡單:
      
      1,究竟什么是男人的基本魅力,如何建設基本魅力?
      
      2,你究竟應該如何“挽回”逝去的愛情?
      
      同樣的話,從不同人嘴里說出來,給女生的感覺完全不同,有的可以逗得女生開懷大笑,有的卻毫無反應,甚至讓對方覺得奇怪。這種看似“微妙”而“巨大”的差別,除了有“外在硬件”因素影響以外,更重要的是“內在魅力等級”的差別。
      
      我記得動漫“叛逆的魯路修”里面有這樣一句臺詞:“有資格殺人的,是擁有被殺覺悟的人”,姑且不論這句話對錯與否,不同人看到這句話肯定有不同的觀點,但是,這句話說明了一個最基本的邏輯:
      
      “有資格獲得的人,一定是擁有失去覺悟的人”。能像個爺們一樣承擔失去的風險,這是男人最基本最基本的魅力之一。
      
      這時馬上又很多兄弟會說了,這個簡單:不就是不害怕失去嘛!做得到!
      
      可是事實出現的卻是:
      
      “我應該做什么才能吸引到她,急求建議”
      
      “我不會說話,不知道怎么和女生聊天”
      
      “我明天就要約會了,我應該準備什么?”
      
      “拿到女生號碼了,不知道怎么發短信,第一條短信應該怎么發?”
      
      “已經分手了,還有聯系,我要怎樣做才能挽回?我真的很愛她!我好多天都睡不著覺了。”
      
      等等等等
      
      以上的這些帖子題目或者內容,相信你一點都不陌生,在某些版塊簡直就是“日經貼”——天天都有,這些問題也確確實實的存在在每一個為情感困惑的兄弟心中。
      
      而這些所有問題的背后,卻違背了一個最基本的原則:你害怕做錯任何事情,你更害怕你會失去,而正因為害怕失去,才阻礙了男人最基本魅力的散發。
      
      兩性關系不像做理工科的題目,你不應該擔心你是不是做對或者做錯了;更像是一個對你信心的考驗——當你覺得你會做錯的時候,你就已經錯了,也肯定會錯!
      
      上世紀八九十年代有一首老歌,其中一句歌詞至今聽來,仍然是話粗理不粗,這句歌詞是:“女人愛瀟灑,男人愛漂亮”。
      
      可惜我從事戀約會培訓這么多年來,所有需要幫助,吸引不到自己心中女生的哥們,都犯了這條最基本的戒——就他媽沒一個瀟灑的。
      
      我每天都聽到這樣的語句:“我知道她對我不好,我知道她不喜歡我,可是我真的放不下,真的很愛她啊,有沒有什么辦法挽回?”
      
      當一個男人進入了這樣的狀態,基本所有的解決方法都只是治標不治本了,因為從核心上來說,他已經徹底阻礙了男性魅力的散發。
      
      男人的瀟灑,與你愛不愛她,對她動不動心無關。拿得起,放得下,不求回報——這是作為一個男人的最基本魅力。沒有這個,那就是個娘們!
      
      這并不意味著你不去在乎、不去尊重你的感情,反而正因為我們一生都會遇到無數錯誤的感情——你更應該把一段真正值得的感情視為珍寶。但是,那些每天求挽回的求吸引女神的兄弟,你真的是在為一段正確的感情努力嗎?
      
      我希望所有在求挽回、或者苦苦追求不得的兄弟,認真思考一個問題:你究竟需要一段什么樣的感情?
      
      ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
      
      我大學時有個叫猴子的哥們,他認為自己深愛著他的女朋友,然后被踹掉了。
      
      他用了半年的時間挽回,這半年中,他不停的妥協,乞求,對女生低三下四,簡單來說就是:“我真的放不下她,我真的好愛她”
      
      他完全可以發個帖子,標題就是:“我真的不知道這段感情是否應該繼續,可是我就是忘不了她,大家來給我出出主意怎么挽回”。
      
      猜猜最后發生了什么——
      
      半年之后,他終于放棄了,開始覺得他女朋友就是犯賤,就是不珍惜他,他所有的付出,都成為了他回頭過來仇恨、罵這個女人的理由。后來,他看到那些花花公子型的哥們美女一大堆,開始覺得所有的女人都是犯賤的。
      
      畢業后我就沒見過他了,估計他至今沒有遇上好女人,也無法遇上好女人。
      
      這種故事每天都在你我的身邊上演,像猴子一樣的兄弟,始終在迷途中打轉,他們離真正獲得幸福持久的感情越來越遠。那么,什么樣的感情才是真正幸福持久的?
      
      真正持續的、讓你滿足的感情,一定有這樣一個必要條件:要么能讓你成長,要么你能幫助對方成長。
      
      你可以看到一個腿長胸大的正妹,然后被迷的神魂顛倒,可是這種是激情和沖動,不是愛情;你也可以因為不甘心被耍,豪言壯語一定要挽回,要對方等著自己,這是執念,不是愛情——這兩種都無法讓你獲得真正情感上的成長。
      
      而人的困惑也就在此,我們執著追求的,不管是“激情”還是“執念”,這都是沖動和情緒——而沖動和情緒是最容易消散的,這些都是“最讓我們情緒困于其中”的感情,這些感情往往無法真正的長久。
      
      而真正值得挽回的感情,也只有一種——她真正的讓你從某些方面,變成了一個更好的人,在同時,你也在幫助她變得更好。除此以外的感情,都沒有任何挽回的必要。
      
      好了,上面談得深了點,回到為什么挽不回的問題上來:
      
      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
      
      所有女人對男人的愛慕,都有著一個共同條件:“這個女人一定從某些方面,尊重或者仰視著這個男人”,沒有這個,即使他們在一起,這個女生也一定會私下里對閨蜜說:其實我和他感覺不夠。
      
      我認識一個女性作家,她的事業做得非常好,本人也是個標準的女強人,她結婚好幾年,婚姻穩定,但是,她并不對她的老公動心,因為她實在是從各個方面都比他老公優秀,而她之所以選擇和他結婚,也只是因為“他很聽話”。所以這個男人一直過著很悲哀的生活,結婚幾年,連晚上同房都要申請……
      
      講這個的原因,正是因為:
      
      我看到很多兄弟苦苦想要挽回或者獲得的感情,無非是以下兩種:要么是對方綠了自己;要么是對方對自己愛搭不理。
      
      這種感情真的值得你追求、挽回嗎?
      
      而真正挽不回的原因,正是因為——女生都綠了你,都對你愛搭不理了,她已經不怎么尊重你了,你還去委曲求全,一味的付出追求,這不是讓人家更加不尊重你,更加看不起你么?而且,這真的是愛嗎?
      
      這樣,她一輩子都不會愛上這個男人,即使曾經愛過,到這種狀況下,也不會再愛,而且會覺得自己沒有選擇他的選擇,是無比的正確。
      
      也就是說,你一定要從至少某些方面,成為一個比她強大的男人——那究竟怎么樣獲得強大?
      
      強大的來源有兩種,一種是我以前經常提到的:通過外界的力量來獲得——比如她有一大堆追求者而你沒有,你心態就會失衡,你要是也有選擇權,那么你們就會處在一個平等的位置,你也能更加冷靜的看清這段感情,而不會一味的陷入“單戀”和“執念”。
      
      而第二種,是真正的強大——通過了解確定自己的人生目標和使命,獲得內心的平靜。
      
      我有一個特別好的兄弟,他從沒談過戀愛,也不懂得任何技巧或者方法,對女人的了解也是一竅不通,調情的話不會說,的確,他永遠也成不了情圣,但是,這并沒有妨礙很多姑娘對他發自內心的喜歡。
      
      因為他明確的知道自己的道路,他擁有著一切優秀的品質:誠實,正直,目標堅定,替他人著想,堅忍等等等等——而且他從來不會因為對任何女生的單戀,而去犧牲掉其中的任何一項品質,在他看來,他的目標比任何姑娘都重要。
      
      他是真正的走在自己道路上的男人,他把他的時間都奉獻給了他熱愛的事業,他真正的內心強大,所以他從不圍著女人轉。因此,反而有無數女人迷戀上他,因為他的內心比她們都強大——有太多姑娘并不知道自己的道路,正如大部分兄弟一樣。
      
      所以,最好的“挽回”的方法,就是不要努力去“挽回”,讓你隨著時間的推移,經歷的積累而成長。
      
      你可以通過“外界的力量”(比如無數更優秀的美女)來讓你心態獲得平衡;
      
      你也可以獲得“內在的強大”(比如發現自己重要的目標和使命)。
      
      ——但是,這些都需要你改變,而改變的過程往往伴隨著自我否定,這又是更多人無法做到的,因為拒絕改變是最容易的,安慰自己“我現在很好”是最容易的,而這一步,只能你自己邁出去。
      
      基礎魅力不過關,技巧的使用會打折扣。希望能夠幫助到那些掙扎的兄弟成長。

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